The d100 Post

Has it really been so long?

Today’s post is the 100^th such piece that has seen the light of day here at The Society of Torch, Pole and Rope. Just about six months ago, I decided that I might have a little something to add to this thing often referred to as the Old School Renaissance. Having been away from the hobby for a while, I thought that it might be interesting to chronicle my own attempt to return to this hobby that had given me so much enjoyment over the years, as well as provide me with a forum to discuss my plan to build my own megadungeon complex in the classical style. Since that time, I’ve managed to stay somewhat close to that goal; spouting bits of spurious wisdom along the way and throwing out a few creations of my own to help add a little more tinder to that growing old school fire.

Way back in August, I could never have foreseen the events and opportunities that have occurred over the past six months, and I’m a little humbled and awe-struck that these post of varying quality and seriousness have generated the response that they have. To all of you who drop by to read these regular posts: I thank you. I hope that I continue to keep your interest over the following six months as well.

The 100^th of anything is often an important milestone. It is traditionally a time to reflect upon what has been and what shall be forthcoming. It is a time for deep thoughts and cultivated wisdom. A time to gather with old friends and reminisce.

But we won’t have any of that around here. Instead, let’s indulge ourselves with another long-standing role-playing tradition: the d% table!

In exactly one month, it will be the first anniversary of Gary’s passing. With this in mind, I’d like to present for your consideration the One Hundred Random Ridiculous Magical Items Table. Knowing Gary’s love of puns and plays-on-words, I hope that, wherever the Dungeon Master is, he gets a good laugh out of it. For the rest of you, I can only offer my sincere apologies. There’s absolutely no excuse for what is about to follow.

One Hundred Random Ridiculous Magical Items Table
D%	Item Found
01	Scroll of Protection from Misanthropes
02	Bucknard’s Everclear Purse
03	Wand of Magic Bristles
04	Amulet of the Biplanes
05	Cheech & Chong’s Eversmoking Bottle
06	Staff of Curing Meat
07	Q*bert of Force
08	Daern’s Instant Coffee
09	Chimp of Opening
10	Ring of Water Waking
11	Manuel of Golems
12	Potion of Howard Hughes
13	Rug of Mothering
14	Staff of the Maggie
15	Spear, Cursed Anklebiter
16	Ring of Regurgitation
17	Portable Mole
18	Necklace of Adoption
19	Moose of Disruption
20	Bag of Turning Tricks
21	Dust of Disappointment
22	Mule of Life Protection
23	Baba Yaga’s Hutt
24	Crystal Bull
25	Matlock of the Titans
26	Fax of the Dwarvish Lords
27	Tangerine of Wondrous Power
28	Potion of Red Wagon Control
29	Raistlin’s Inhaler
30	Decanter of Endless Wafers
31	Sling of Leaking +2
32	Heward’s Handy Hasselhoff
33	Grocers of Defense
34	Ioun Stains
35	Trident of Missile Command
36	Wand of Enema Detection
37	Medallion of EST
38	Cloak of Misplacement
39	Ring of Fire Persistence
40	Sword +5, Offender
41	The Deck of Feet
42	Ring of Gin Summoning
43	Mace of Engelbert Humperdinck
44	Robe of Blenders
45	Brassiere of Commanding Fire Elementals
46	Iron Bands of Bolero
47	Boots of Elevenkind
48	Hammer of Thundercats
49	Mall of the Titans
50	Cup and Talisman of Admiral Akbar
51	Ring of Orange Stars (and Green Clovers)
52	Smooch of Shielding
53	Wigs of Flying
54	Potion of Ground Control
55	Deer of Annihilation
56	Robe of Converse All Stars
57	Thumbs of Panic
58	Scab of Protection
59	Quaal’s Subway Token
60	Wand of Greased Lightning
61	Bag of Caught Holding
62	Popes of the Sewers
63	Tome of Misunderstanding
64	Liar of Building
65	Beau +1
66	Ring of Three Fishes
67	Potion of Extra Pickles
68	Nolzur’s Marvelous Pigs
69	Robe of Noses
70	Stone of Weight Watchers
71	Poodle of Giant Strength
72	Talisman of Ultimate Elvis
73	Alchemy Jug Band
74	Scroll of Protection from Possessions
75	Murlynd’s Spork
76	Helm of Telegraphy
77	Mirror of David Prowse
78	Lawn Darts of Speed
79	Potion of Heeling
80	Rod of Bugling
81	Well of Many Words
82	Staff of Smitten
83	Pretense of Meditation
84	Prophylactic of Monstrous Attention
85	Book of Finite Spells
86	Ring of Mammary Control
87	Net of Snoring
88	Staff of Wuthering
89	Horn of Valhalla, New York
90	Rod of Stewart
91	Gauntlets of Ogre Powder
92	Bag of Mr. Bean
93	Cloak of the Martha Raye
94	Gem of Seething
95	Horn of Foghat
96	Sword of Square-dancing
97	Periapt of Foreclosure
98	Wand of Negotiation
99	Heward’s Enormous Organ
00	The Crotch of Vecna